I heard a song I hate and I thought of her. Ah, such is love.

“Women won’t sleep with me for the same reason that I don’t pay for sex—I don’t …”

“Last night I placed a handwritten note on the front door of my neighbor’s house…”

“I want to be the world’s safest fashion designer. And I always wear my seatbelt…”

“I think I just inhaled a cloud shaped like the ghost of my grandpa, and all I h…”