I heard my friend’s car wouldn’t start, so I mailed him a parking lot. I should be a politician.

“I’m the Director of Redundancy. I’m also the Director. I make love like I make …”

“The very thing keeping me alive is also killing me—love. No wonder the rose sym…”

“The butcher died, and he requested to be cremated. But I don’t want to burn him…”

“Women are like convertibles: They should be topless. Also, they should stay in …”