I hit a car, but it wasn’t my fault. The bicyclist who rear ended me is to blame.

“Dear Mr. Peacock,
I miss your plumage, and I’m flummoxed by your plummeting des…”

“I rolled up to his house, rolled up my sleeves, ate a Fruit Roll-Up, and left. …”

“The political brain is shaped like a peanut, only not as big.”

“Getting struck by lightning is like winning the lottery, except of course, not …”