I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of taking away your freedoms. –Uncle Sam


“I need to drain the thermodynamic fluid from my bathos tub.”

“I put you on the map, and I can fold you up and stuff you in the glove compartm…”

“Do you find it erotic how my pants bulge in the crotch, where I keep my coffee …”

“I talked to a calzone for fifteen minutes last night before I realized it was j…”