I hope you enjoy reading my book as much as I didn’t enjoy writing it. Just kidding! I hope you don’t enjoy it at all.

“Johnny Kickstand bullied me in middle school. Today, Kickstand stands 4’7” tall…”

“I am not who I pretend to be, even when I act like myself.”

“The two sisters wouldn’t sleep with me. But it’s cool, because they were nuns, …”

“Today somebody asked me if I had to lose one of my senses, which would I choose…”