I just broke up with my girlfriend. My wife will be pleased. But first she’ll be displeased, because she didn’t know I had a girlfriend.

“I make love like I make lasagna. Makes me hungry just thinking about it.”

“A rubber band is attached to a lever. Pull on the lever to increase the tension…”

“I don’t know what I’ll do until I know what you’ll do. I’m proactive with my pr…”

“My favorite smells are freshly baked bread, the pages of an old book, and they …”