I just got around to brushing my teeth today, and now my asshole smells minty fresh.

“Accepting your help, I’m not doing it for me—I’m doing it for you. You need to …”

“If you put a long-haired wig on and ask nicely, I might sit on your back and ri…”

“If a university’s colors were blue and pink, they could be the Fighting Sunsets.”

“To me, the most confusing part about golf is that I don’t know whether I’d rath…”