I just started seeing someone, which is a relief, because the last girl I dated was invisible.

“I ended up with the nomination, and the breasts to back up the voter’s confiden…”

“I love Blue Ribbon coffee, and she loves Red Ribbon coffee. I don’t love her, b…”

“In Jacksonville, there are more childrenless children than fatherless children.…”

“Television isn’t a substitute for a babysitter, but the microwave is. Mmmm cook…”