I keep my love in the fridge, next to my meat, because you simply can’t beat it.

“If I ever see an alien fishing in Scotland, and witness it catching the Loch Ne…”

“The answer is three, I said as I held up three fingers—my middle through my pin…”

“My mashed potatoes come with a masturbation sound you pour on top, like gravy. …”

“There’s this girl who’s obsessed with me. I would tell you what she looks like,…”