I like eye contact, but please don’t blink when my eyeballs are touching yours.

“Politics isn’t dirty. And neither are politicians. No, politicians are filthy.”

“Alcohol is the motorcycle of beverages. Liver fast, die young.”

“I am the sunrise of sunsets, and I make love like noon at midnight.”

“I asked the girl at the coffee shop out on a date. Unfortunately she said no, p…”