I like how cats’ ears can flip inside out. It’s as if they’re saying, Keep talking, human, but I’m not even listening.

“A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter tha…”

“The only nutritional sustenance I need is praise, flattery, and potassium in th…”

“I’m strapped for cash, and I’m also strapped to a chair in someone’s basement.”

“What you consider gross—dead rats—I consider considerate gifts.”