I like to fantasize about how far I’ll have come in a year. A year from now, I’ll be 12 months further than where I am today. And the most impressive part is I don’t really have to work hard for it. I just have to keep waking up.

“I visited my old haunt, but somehow without all my old friends there with me, t…”

“Is the company you keep keeping you back?”

“When I get angry I tend to raise my voice—with a forklift. Hang on to my handle…”

“A brick is blocking my urethra. But it’s not painful, because my penis is just …”