I like to see cats tumble around, but I wish they wouldn’t meow so much when I shove them in the dryer.

“She told me she loved me. Most men wouldn’t know how to respond, but I did. Wha…”

“The Nike swoosh logo would make an interesting mustache—on a man who runs his m…”

“Do either a brick or a blanket have Buddha nature? The answer is yes and no and…”

“I want my last 50 years on this earth to be amazing. Of course, I still want to…”