I like when wind works. But in this depression, does anything work? If it’s not unemployed, it’s broken. When I hear the politicians talk, all I hear is them breaking wind through their mouths.

“People don’t know I have a checkered past. I used to be a picnic table cloth.”

“North, south, east, west, I need to find a nude erection to point the way.”

“Make pizza, not war. No matter how you slice it, that’s wise.”

“Don’t expect my hand to extend out of her vagina and accept the charity of stra…”