I looked him right in his eyes and I said, “I don’t like you, Cyclops.” Then I spit on his monocle and left.

“I was in the shower the other day and I noticed on the back of the shampoo bott…”

“Give people a little, and they’ll want a lot. Give them a lot, and they’ll only…”

“If I were to show you pictures of my best friends, they’d all be cats.”

“I keep my love in the trunk. And I drive slowly over speed bumps, so she doesn’…”