I love how babies look like old people. I saw a baby the other day that looked exactly like my grandpa, only taller.

“I’m rich in poverty. I got no money coming out of my ass. I’m up to my neck in …”

“I practice karate moves when I think nobody is watching. It’s all part of being…”

“If I were among midgets I didn’t know, I’d be afraid they’d see I was uncomfort…”

“Kick the blanket, don’t kick the bucket—especially if that bucket is full of de…”