I made her late, so she made me dinner. And by late I mean pregnant. And by dinner I mean marry her.

“If I were deaf, I’d wear loud clothing. My clothes would also be covered in cof…”

“I have a recognition dance, to acknowledge that I heard and understood you. So …”

“The list of women he’s slept with is longer than his penis. The list is three i…”

“I’m looking for a full-time portable heat generator. Must be willing to travel.…”