I must be pregnant, because I’m craving some strange food. Right now I feel like eating organic, grass-fed cow cud, covered with a sautéed sauce of impoverished baby vomit.

“A brick could be used as a weight to keep the cardboard cutout of the Federal G…”

“This book does not exist. And even if it did, it wouldn’t be worth buying or re…”

“If your last name were Seldom, I’d use it often.”

“Garbage truck beepers belong in a symphony. Or would that really put the phony …”