I need to go to the store and pick up some condoms. But first I need to pick up some women.

“If I win in the nick of time, I’ll spread my congrats evenly to every Nick in t…”

“I put my heart in a paper cup, so she’d be more likely to drink it up.”

“I gave my girlfriend a gallon of my semen and a minivan and told her to fill it…”

“To me, love is either a pebble, a rock, or a boulder. Or a grain of sand, if yo…”