I never speed, because if I get into an automobile crash and die, I don’t want to have arrived earlier than I was supposed to for my death.

“I am patriotic. When the Pledge of Allegiance is going on, I solemnly place my …”

“A feather taped to a vibrator is a tickling machine to induce hunger, and NOT a…”

“I’m dropping by. I may hit a few red lights, so I’ll be there in thirteen hours.”

“It was queer meeting him there—odd I mean—and what are the odds we’d meet at a …”