I once got attacked by a bearskin rug, two days before it was a rug.

“A blanket could be used as a makeshift trampoline, to attract midgets to your p…”

“The other day I woke up to find my girlfriend already gone from the house, and …”

“A brick could be used to send Satan back from whence he came. But where did he …”

“A brick could be used to stop a bleeding wound. Though just between you and me,…”