I put a basketball hoop in the trees, to help the squirrels and give them a nice net to store their nuts for the winter. But that’s just the kind of thoughtful guy I am.

“I’m single, like a cheese slice individually wrapped in plastic.”

“I’ve found newspapers only useful as kindling material for campfires. It’s been…”

“If you want walking dolphins and talking sandwiches, you’re lucky to have me bu…”

“A blanket could be used as a distress symbol. You’ll know I’m in danger and in …”