I refuse to dispense chewable advice for free. I’m not a bubblegum machine. No, my fees are 25 cents higher.

“If you were to talk about your nose, I’d take everything you’d say at face valu…”

“A brick is a barometer of love. Give it to the girl of your dreams, and see if …”

“I got hit on at the bar last night, and this morning I have a black eye. Someti…”

“Every morning I cheer on my Cheerios, but I don’t really want them to win. Secr…”