I remember one time some guy put caviar in my omelet, and I had to complain saying, “Excuse me, you idiot, but there are eggs in my omelet.” He didn’t know how to respond, probably because he felt so foolish.


“I’ll tell you about love on one condition: that you give it to me unconditional…”

“You haven’t lived until you’ve wiped your ass with a pile of sand. Toilet paper…”

“If I fail to succeed, I have succeeded in failing.”

“If trees had love, instead of leaves, I’d gladly rake you into a pile on my law…”