I suffer from tennis elbow. It’s an old masturbating injury from when I was training to go into politics.

“When I feel sad, I try to think of someone else in the world who is suffering w…”

“Dear Mr. Peacock,
I miss your plumage, and I’m flummoxed by your plummeting des…”

“I’ll tell myself whatever I need to hear to stop listening.”

“The couch was green, so I felt comfortable wiping my boogers on it. I just wish…”