I tattooed my name on my buttocks, so you’d know what an ass I am. Also so either me or my clone could claim me, if I ever got lost.

“I go to sleep in my business suit, because it makes my dreams of success seem m…”

“I think I just inhaled a cloud. That’s what I get for not wearing a gas mask wh…”

“Last night as I was driving home, I ran over a guy in a wheelchair. But it’s OK…”

“I need to protect myself from myself. And my clone.”