I thought I ran over a politician’s dog, but when I discovered it was his wig, I was disappointed.

“A brick could be dropped in a toilet to replicate the sound of shitting bricks.…”

“A clone’s most valuable function would be as a gift giver, because who else but…”

“For men, money, like sex, is something that nearly everybody wants more of, and…”

“I unwind with wine—or a few counter clockwise turns.”