I thought I ran over a politician’s dog, but when I discovered it was his wig, I was disappointed.

“I write down my dreams. I use the excuse “I’m writing” to sleep all the time.”

“The door handle is on the wrong side of the door. It’s on the inside only, only…”

“As much as I want to make love to you, I’d rather make love to your clone.”

“My dream as a boy was to write a coloring book, but the nagging problem was alw…”