I used his severed hand as a murder weapon. I hope I didn’t get my fingerprints on his fingerprints.

“2021—will it be a good year, or will it be just another two consecutive numbers?”

“You won’t ever catch me wearing an oven mitt, because what’s wrong with a regul…”

“I wrote this piece because my mailbox was full of bills, junk mail, and lettuce…”

“I thought I did, but I guess I didn’t. But I did think I did, and it’s the thou…”