I used to swim and dream of having a few Olympic gold medals to my name. But that’s out of the question now, with the ever-rising price of gold.

“None of us nine with the sixes. That’s the tragedy of love.”

“She grew broccoli, and I grew dentures. We were perfect for each other. Our lov…”

“Trying to stay within my budget, I bought napkins instead of underwear. They’re…”

“I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me “F*** you.” Then I’ll g…”