I want a piece of apple pie so large I could wedge a For Sale sign in it and make all the real estate agents in town jealous.

“I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could expe…”

“A spanking with a tree branch, now that’s slapstick.”

“Dreams have one-way doors—the door you enter cannot be exited from, and the doo…”

“I want to steal 100 years. If I get caught, it’ll be the trial of the century.”