I want a trophy wife. I’ll keep her on the shelf next to my future Nobel peace prize. (I plan on inventing a gun that shoots love, not bullets.)


“Come to terms with who you were, embrace who you are, and become who you will b…”

“When I told investors I was going to invent a self-love machine, they told me t…”

“A pen is like a switchblade you can actually write with—and pull off a successf…”

“I tried to knock my wife up, but she’d only let me ring the doorbell. And she m…”