I want eyebrows shaped like pinball swatters, and to accompany that I’ll get a Hindu dot on my forehead.

“If my voice sounded like a dial tone, people would probably hang up on me all t…”

“If your favorite politician got ran over by a bus, I’d express my condolences b…”

“Though I can and sometimes do use chopsticks, I much prefer using my hands to p…”

“I’ll only date a girl if she has a lot of class. And if she is 18, I don’t care…”