I want my relationship with my girlfriend to be built on trust, not toothpicks, rubber bands, and lentil beans.

“I used to want to be a missionary, but I don’t believe that’d be the best posit…”

“I wouldn’t love you if you were the last Sodomite in Gomorrah.”

“Sleep with family is a napkin (nap plus kin), and I used a napkin as a blanket.
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“My phone died, so I cremated it along with my grandpa. Well, he was taking up t…”