I want my writing to be as smooth as drinking a glass of water—pool water, with piss in it.

“I’m not rich in paper money, I’m rich in packets of sugar. Actually, I’m richer…”

“At my last birthday party I had fun and really let myself go. Literally. I open…”

“If you can’t respect me as a banana, then I’m not sure how you can respect me a…”

“A pen is like a switchblade you can actually write with—and pull off a successf…”