I want to get married, but first I’ll have to get a divorce.

“When I walk my dog, people always ask if we’re twins.”

“Am I the only guy that holds a flute of champagne like it’s a musical instrumen…”

“I want to save the environment. I like being green as much as the next Smurf.”

“I want to be an actor. I’ve already started taking steps. Yesterday I applied t…”