I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job.

“With the rising cost of food, either the portions get smaller, or the quality g…”

“If I were a hermaphrodite, and someone told me to go fuck myself, I'd reply, "W…”

“The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t aro…”

“I have a star on Hollywood Blvd. It glows in the dark and I stuck it there myse…”