I want to write a book called Kissing Kissinger. It won’t be about kissing, Kissinger, or even politics. It’ll be about radiator fluid, and all the health benefits you can enjoy from chugging it.

“A brick could be used for a calf muscle implant for a bodybuilder who wants a c…”

“I should invent a stationary bike/electrical generator/phonograph player, so th…”

“I don’t understand why you don’t trust me. It’s not like you have a reason to n…”

“I make love like a leprechaun, and I cuddle like a rainbow—after a shower.”