I want to write an unreliable narrator. In fact, he’ll be so unreliable that I’m not even sure he’ll show up to narrate.

“Ask my mustache anything you want, and my mouth will answer for it. And after t…”

“Dear cat, your ears are flipped inside out, so I know you’re not listening to a…”

“I’m on a shoestring budget, which means I don’t have any extra money to buy the…”

“I want to make a coffee table that consists of a slab of wood supported by four…”