I was born a master of the universe in Manhattan. Not Manhattan, New York City, and not Manhattan, Kansas, but Manhattan, the suburb of Orafouraville.

“I want to open up a counter-culture club. It’ll be anti-established in 2012.”

“I want to grow a tan and an accent, then dig it out of my garden and staple it …”

“The idea of a blind date scares me. But a deaf date would be great.”

“If I collected dust, I wouldn’t mind if I got dust on it. My collection would g…”