I was born with a lazy eye. It didn’t define me as a person. It did, however, define me as a voyeur.

“It’s hard to type with gloves on. It’s also hard to type with just an erection.…”

“We’re distant cousins. He’s my first cousin, but he’s 5,000 miles away. And he …”

“The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m …”

“I’ll keep you in my heart forever, just so long as you don’t clog up my arterie…”