I went on a blind date last night. We watched a silent film. We stayed up all night talking in sign language. I fell asleep in the fetal position in her cat's litter box. Ah, 'twas a great night. I'll never forget dancing with an albino under the stars.

“A brick could be used to cut things. The duller the object, the sharper the use…”

“A blanket could be used as a scapegoat. But I’d rather use real goats, because …”

“Nobody likes a dick. Except a pussy. Or an asshole. Or a goat’s mouth.”

“Love tip # 29: Increase your chances of getting to second date by not having st…”