I wired my gas pedal to my stereo, so now when I crank up the volume the car accelerates.

“33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One …”

“I don’t encourage chaos to initiate a revolution. The only reason to revolt is …”

“Thoughtlessness—I try not to think about it.”

“I was reminded of my ex girlfriend the other day. It’s amazing that something a…”