I won't discuss non-discussable things with her, like the sound of silence or the vertical dimensions of an awkward moment. Those sorts of things are best left unsaid, like the last time I told her I loved her.

“I’m a competitor. I once placed fifth in a bottle of whiskey.”

“Last night I slept like a baby. In a crib.”

“I’m hungry but I won’t order 18 tubs of ketchup and a spoon. No, I’ll order it …”

“Everything I learned in school, mixed together with water and chicken broth, is…”