I would never date Austin. Not that it’s gay, but it’s simply too densely populated for a relationship.

“He had a last name for a first name, a first name for a last name, and an erect…”

“I’ve lived in Jacksonville for—not sure, I get Jacksonville and Paris mixed up.…”

“I live 20 miles away from 30 miles per hour. Horses get great gas mileage.”

“I want my words to illuminate like the sun, as I give my daily lecture on photo…”