I wouldn’t want the guests at my birthday party confusing my celebration with the Oscars. That’s why I’m having the awards ceremony after we eat cake and I open my presents.


“I think I just inhaled a cloud shaped like the ghost of my grandpa, and all I h…”

“When your family dies, that’s a bummer, but that’s life. When my family dies, i…”

“If I started yesterday, I’d be a master of tomorrow.”

“Blanket could be used to form a new word—tenkalb—which in turn could be used, o…”