I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.

“We had sex by the fireplace. I remember because my waxy nipples started drippin…”

“Pineapple juice doesn’t come in a can—it comes in a hard, spiky shell called a …”

“I am three forks away from eating all your food with two homeless guys. It’s to…”

“I wonder if Seal got his name because it looks like his face was mauled by a Gr…”