I’d staple my breath to your chest, if I thought it’d help you breathe easier. I’ll also sell you a pair of used nipples, as I’m not using mine as much as I used to.

“A brick could be used to wipe your ass with. You know, if you already live some…”

“There’s money to be made with a name like Cash. I should print myself into popu…”

“I’d rather be snorkeling in the sea of love. But instead I’m stuck here, in a f…”

“I wear brown shirts to protect against the combination of coffee and clumsiness…”