If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave.

“A backpack could be a sleeping bag for a midget—or a hatch, a hatchback.”

“I thought I was placing my hand on her knee. But it turned out to be her saggy …”

“I don’t think anybody’s ever written a song called, “There’s urine on the couch…”

“Without rules, there’d be nothing to break. Well, except glass, dance, and bric…”