If I knew beforehand that I’d need a good backhand, I’d never have taken up tennis. Or bitch slapping.

“If I earn 10 dollars, I’m saving 11 of them.”

“She had breasts that sagged to her knees. But that's ok, because when it got co…”

“From afar they looked like sexy legs, until I got closer and saw they belonged …”

“I enjoy the small things in life. Like my penis.”