If I shake your hand, and then jack off, it’s as if you gave me an indirect handjob.


“I’m a magician. I can make food appear—and out of my penis, no less.”

“I found the skeleton of a caveman a few years back. Miraculously, it had skin a…”

“I’m an only child, so logically I gave birth to my parents, because if it weren…”

“I’d love to work with an Asian guy named Wu Hu, because just saying his name wo…”